Raising from family offices: opening the first conversation.

How family offices differ

If you've raised from funds before, family offices can feel opaque. There's often no website, no published strategy and no one whose job is to take meetings with people like you. That's not an accident. A family office exists to look after one family's wealth, privately, and most are built to say no to unsolicited approaches.

A few things follow from that:

• They're small. Many have a handful of people. Whoever reads your note is busy with the family's existing affairs.
• They're protective. Of the family's name, privacy and time. Anything that feels like a sales approach is filtered out fast.
• They invest in relationships. Most direct investments come through people the family or its team already know. Your goal is to become one of those people, slowly.
• They move at their own pace. Decisions may depend on the family, not the investment team, and can take a long time.

So the aim of a first approach isn't to raise money. It's to open a conversation that might, over months, become a relationship.

Check your rules first

Before you contact any investor, make sure you understand the rules that apply to your fund or your raise: who you're allowed to approach, what you're allowed to say to them, and whether anything you write could count as a financial promotion or an offer. These rules vary a great deal by jurisdiction and structure. Take advice if you're unsure.

Asking for a conversation, and nothing more, is the approach least likely to cause problems. It's also, conveniently, the approach most likely to work.

Who to write to

The right person depends on the office's size:

• In a larger office, the person responsible for direct or private investments. Their title might be investment director, head of private equity or chief investment officer.
• In a smaller office, the chief investment officer or the person who runs the office day to day.
• Family members, only if they're publicly involved in the office's investments. Writing to a family member who isn't is the quickest way to be politely ignored by everyone.

Write to one person per office. If you have a warm route in, through an adviser, a co-investor or someone in your network, use it instead of a first note. A warm introduction is worth more than any message you could write.

Earn relevance

Family offices are approached constantly. The ones that answer are the ones who can see, immediately, why you've written to them in particular. Before you write, look for:

• Where the family's wealth came from. A family that built a business in a sector often keeps an interest in it.
• Direct investments they've made, where these are public: sectors, sizes, whether they back operators or funds.
• What they've said publicly about how they invest: long-term ownership, specific sectors, backing individuals.
• Mutual connections, genuinely mutual, not a shared group with thousands of members.

If you can't find a reason they'd care about what you do, they're not a good first approach. Move them down the list.

The first note

Short, specific and easy to decline. It should say why them, who you are, and ask for a conversation. It shouldn't mention terms, amounts, returns, a deck or a deadline.

Notice "to understand how you think". Leading with curiosity about their approach, rather than with what you need, is both more respectful and more likely to get a reply. People like being asked how they think.

Don't attach anything. If they want to know more before agreeing to talk, they'll ask, and you can send a short description of your firm. Check any material you send against your rules.

Following up

The same principles apply as with owners: few touches, well spaced, each one adding something. One email follow-up a week or so later, a LinkedIn connection if it's appropriate, and a final, gracious note a few weeks after that. Four touches at most, then stop.

A good follow-up adds one new, relevant thing: a short observation about their sector, a development at your firm, or a question about their area of interest. It never adds pressure: no closing dates, no "we're nearly fully committed".

The first conversation

If they agree to talk, prepare to listen more than you speak. A good first conversation with a family office covers:

• How they invest: directly, through funds, or both; what sizes; what role they like to play
• What they're focused on now, and what they've moved away from
• How decisions are made, and who's involved
• A short, plain account of what you do and why

Don't pitch terms in this conversation unless they ask, and even then, follow your rules. End by asking whether it would be useful to stay in touch, and how they'd like you to do that.

The long game

Raising from family offices is slow. A conversation this year may become an investment in two years, or an introduction to another family, or nothing. Keep a careful record of every conversation, keep in touch the way they asked you to, and send updates only when you have something genuinely worth sharing.

Opening those first conversations, at a steady pace and without ever pitching, takes time most sponsors and managers don't have during a raise. If you'd rather not do it yourself, a team of sourciers can reach the investors on your list, under your firm's name, and book the conversations into your calendar.