How to approach an owner who isn't selling.

Start from their side

An owner who isn't selling has not asked to hear from you. They run a business, they get a lot of email, and some of it is from people who want to buy that business. Most of those notes are forgettable: a template with their company name dropped in, a paragraph about the sender's fund, and a request for a call this week.

Your note will be read in a few seconds, usually on a phone, by someone deciding whether you're worth any more of their time. They are asking themselves three things:

• Is this actually about my business, or am I one of five hundred?
• Who is this person, and are they serious?
• What do they want from me, and how much effort is it to deal with?

A good first note answers all three in under a hundred words. Nothing else needs to be in it.

Do the homework first

The single biggest difference between a note that gets read and one that doesn't is whether the sender looked at the business before writing. You don't need an hour per company. Five minutes is usually enough to find one true, specific thing to say.

Look for:

• What they actually do, in their own words, from their website. Not the industry code, the thing they're proud of.
• Something that shows time and care: how long they've been going, a second generation in the business, a niche they've held for years, a recent new site or product line.
• Why they fit your thesis. If you can't say in one sentence why this business, rather than any business, you're not ready to write.
• The right person. Usually the founder or majority owner. If ownership is unclear, the managing director is a reasonable start.

If five minutes turns up nothing you can honestly say, that's useful too. Either the company isn't a fit, or it belongs further down your list until you know more.

The first note

A first note to an owner has four parts, in this order:

1. Why them. One sentence that could only be about this business.
2. Who you are. One or two sentences: your name, your firm, and what you do, in plain words.
3. One small ask. A conversation at some point. Not a meeting this week, not financials, not a call to "explore synergies".
4. An easy way out. Tell them it's fine not to reply.

Notice what isn't there: no deck, no list of credentials, no mention of valuation, no "I'd love to buy your company". The note asks for a conversation and nothing more. That's the only thing a first note can reasonably ask for.

The subject line should be plain. The company name on its own works well, because it's what the owner cares about and it doesn't look like marketing. Avoid anything that sounds like an offer, a question designed to be clicked, or a reply to a thread that never happened.

More variants, for different situations and sectors, are in First notes to owners.

Tone

Write the way you would if you'd been introduced to this person at a dinner and were following up the next day. Polite, direct, a little warm, and brief.

• Be specific, not flattering. "Thirty years supplying the same three hospital groups" is a compliment. "Impressive company" is filler.
• Be honest about what you are. If you're a searcher, say so. If you're a sponsor without a fund, don't imply you have one. Owners find out, and it costs you more later than it gains now.
• Be modest about the ask. You're asking for their time, which is the scarcest thing they have. The note should sound like you know that.
• Be calm. No urgency, no deadlines, no "just a quick". An owner who isn't selling has all the time in the world, and pressure tells them you don't respect that.

Read your note aloud before sending. If any sentence would sound strange said to the owner's face, rewrite it.

What not to say

Some phrases close the door before it's opened. Leave these out:

• Anything about price or terms. "We pay fair multiples" or "we can move quickly on a cash offer" turns a conversation into a negotiation the owner never asked for.
• Assumptions about their life. Don't mention retirement, succession, age or health. Some owners are thinking about it; all of them dislike being told they should be.
• "Are you the right person?" If you don't know, find out before writing. It's your job, not theirs.
• False familiarity. "Hope you're well" from a stranger, invented mutual connections, or pretending to be a customer.
• Pressure. "Other firms are looking at your sector", "I only have a few slots", "following up on my email" when there was no email.
• Jargon. Platforms, synergies, liquidity events, roll-ups. Owners run businesses; talk about the business.

After you send it

Most owners won't reply to the first note. That's normal, and it isn't a no. A short, spaced follow-up, ideally on a different channel, is reasonable. A string of reminders is not.

Our rule is simple: each person hears from you a few times at most, and never more than four. If there's no reply after that, stop. Make a note, and leave them alone until you have a genuinely new reason to write, months later. See Follow-ups that don't feel pushy for wording.

When someone does reply, answer the same day if you can. And when someone says no, thank them and stop straight away. Honouring a no is how you protect your name in a market that is smaller than it looks. Owners talk to each other, to their accountants and to their lawyers.

One more thing: don't phone. An unrequested phone call to an owner who didn't reply in writing feels like an intrusion, however well meant. Let them choose how and when to talk.

Doing it every day

None of this is complicated. The hard part is doing it consistently: researching each business, writing each note properly, following up at the right time, and answering every reply, every working day, including the weeks when a live deal is taking all your attention.

If you can hold that rhythm yourself, the guides on running a weekly rhythm and reading replies will help. If you can't, or you'd rather spend your time in the meetings than on the notes that lead to them, a team of sourciers can do this for you, under your firm's name, and book the meetings into your calendar.